


Macdonald Swap

by applegeuse, fishpatrol, scintilla10



Category: KORMAN Gordon - Works, Macdonald Hall - Gordon Korman
Genre: Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Best Friends, Boarding School, Bodyswap, Community: pod-together, First Kiss, M/M, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Radio Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-28
Updated: 2012-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-10 21:37:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applegeuse/pseuds/applegeuse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishpatrol/pseuds/fishpatrol, https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintilla10/pseuds/scintilla10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bodyswap! Bruno and Boots wake up in each others' bodies. A radio play.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Macdonald Swap

**Author's Note:**

> This fanwork was created for the [pod_together](http://pod-together.livejournal.com/) 2012 challenge on livejournal. The fic was written by [scintilla10](http://scintilla10.livejournal.com/), and the podfic was recorded by [applegeuse](applegeuse.livejournal.com) and [fishpatrol](fishpatrol.livejournal.com).
> 
> The full text of the fic as well as download and streaming links for the podfic are available in this post.

  


Cover art made by fishpatrol!

**Podfic Length:** 19 minutes and 14 seconds 

~~**8/25/12 ETA:** We've just noticed a small technical problem with the currently uploaded version of this podfic! We're working to fix the issue. As of right now, the mp3  & streamling links listed here are NOW CORRECT, but the m4b link is still INCORRECT!~~

**8/28/12 ETA:** All links are now correct. :)

**Podfic Downloads** : [MP3 (11.1 MB)](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2012/MH-Macdonald%20Swap.mp3), [M4B (11.7 MB)](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2012/MH-Macdonald%20Swap%20by%20applegeuse,%20fishpatrol%20&%20Scintilla10.m4b) (right click & save as)  
Both versions also available at the audiofic archive [here](http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/macdonald-swap). 

**Stream:**

[Room 306]

Boots: "Bruno. Bruno! Wake up! Bruno!"

Bruno: "Uuurgh."

Boots: "Get up. This is an emergency!"

Bruno: "Uhf. What is it."

Boots: "Get up and look in the mirror!"

Bruno: "Eugh. Oh my god, is it still dark outside? Why are you even alive this early?"

Boots: "Would you just get up?"

Bruno: "Gragfdlk -- Ow! What the hell? Boots, did you move my bed in the middle of the night?"

Boots: "Of course not, you maniac! Will you come over here and look in the mirror? Now, please?"

Bruno: "Just because I slept through one stinking fire alarm, there's no reason to keep constantly try to prank me in the middle of the night -- ouch! Why is your stupid bedside table on my side of the room?"

Boots: "Because it's not! I've been trying to tell you! Come look!"

Bruno: [Grumbles.] "It's too early in the morning for this, why a person can't get a full night's sleep around here is beyond me --" [Abrupt silence.] "Boots. You didn't happen to buy some kind of crazy funhouse mirror at that carnival that Scrimmage's held last week, did you?"

Boots: "No."

Bruno: "Some kind of thing where it makes your reflection look like your best friend's face?"

Boots: "No."

Bruno: "I'm sure I read about something like that."

Boots: "Well, I'm sure you didn't, because that kind of thing _isn't physically possible_."

Bruno: "Well, in that case, this must be a dream. I'm going back to bed. Night."

Boots: "It's not a dream! Don't you think the first thing I did when I woke up with somebody else's face was try to wake myself up?"

Bruno: "Maybe you just didn't try hard enough."

Boots: "I tried hard, Bruno! I tried really, really hard!"

Bruno: "Okay, okay. Calm down. There's no need to panic."

Boots: "No need to panic? Of course there's a need to panic! I'm you! I'm feeling very panicky!"

Bruno: "Well, I'm not awake enough for panic."

Boots: "Aww, and it's almost time for class! What on earth are we gonna do?"

Bruno: "Hey. Is that really what my hair looks like when I get up in the morning?"

Boots: "Bruno, focus!"

Bruno: "I'm focusing, jeez. Give a guy a chance to process."

Boots: "Process faster. We need some kind of -- some kind of plan."

Bruno: "Don't worry. Plans are my bread and butter. Plans are my middle name. I eat plans for breakfast."

Boots: "You never eat breakfast!"

Bruno: "Well, that's because I'm saving up the plans for later use."

Boots: "That metaphor doesn't even make sense. C'mon, what are we gonna do? What if -- what if The Fish finds out? We'll be expelled!"

Bruno: "He can't expel us for this -- for once, it wasn't our fault. Anyway, it's not like he can tell the School Board he's expelling us for switching bodies. He'd be laughed out of the country!"

Boots: "It might not be our fault, but -- Oh no. I just thought of something."

Bruno: "What?"

Boots: "Okay -- you know yesterday, when we were in Elmer's room? And he had that weird machine with all the wires and the blinky red light? That he told you not to touch?"

Bruno: "Oh. Um, yeah."

Boots: "You didn't touch it, did you?"

Bruno: [pause] "Uh --"

Boots: "Oh no."

Bruno: "I didn't touch it! I just sort of . . . bumped it. Accidentally."

Boots: "Oh _no_."

Bruno: "It didn't even make a noise or anything. Kind of disappointing, really."

Boots: "No no no. Why do you always have to -- Oh man, oh man, oh man. That thing could be designed to do anything!"

Bruno: "Right, but it's Elmer. He's the smartest guy on this continent. Possibly the hemisphere. Whatever it was supposed to do, he'll be able to switch us back. No problem."

Boots: "You think so?"

Bruno: "Yeah, definitely. When has Elmer ever failed us?"

Boots: [deep breath] "Okay, yeah. Yeah. We'll talk to Elmer."

Bruno: "That's the spirit. You think I've got time for another cat nap before class?"

Boots: "Class! What are we gonna do about class?"

Bruno: [yawns] "You'll be me and I'll be you. It can't be that difficult, right? Twins do it all the time."

Boots: "What? Twins just pretend to -- Hey, get back here, there's no time for a cat nap! I mean, I'm gonna have to pretend to sleep through English because that's what Bruno Walton is famous for doing, but you're gonna have to demonstrate that you, Boots O'Neal, have actually read A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Bruno: "Oh. Well. Maybe you could give me the quick run-down of, say, the major themes, a few of the metaphors --"

Boots: "This is my grade we're talking about here! If my parents find out my grades are slipping, they're gonna be beyond mad. Not to mention colleges might reject me, and --"

Bruno: "Boots, Boots, Boots. Calm down." 

Boots: "Don't tell me to calm down!"

Bruno: "Sleeping through English isn't so bad, you know. You might enjoy it."

Boots: "Oh great, and now we're almost late."

Bruno: "C'mon, you know me, Boots. I won't let you down."

Boots: "Hey, you're not really going to leave without brushing my teeth, are you? Once we switch back, those are gonna be my cavities, you know, and-- Bruno? Bruno? Hey!"

~~~~

[Room 306]

Bruno: "Hey, Boots, there you are! Uh - how was dishwashing?"

Boots: "The only thing that's stopping me from seriously injuring you right now is that you're currently occupying my body. I can't believe I had to serve your stupid detention! As if you failing that pop quiz last week had anything to do with me!"

Bruno: "Well, to be perfectly fair, that was the night you and I were sneaking over to Scrimmage's to --"

Boots: "Don't even try it. Now, please tell me Elmer told you how to switch us back. Please."

Bruno: "Well …"

Boots: [Groans] "What does that mean?"

Bruno: "After I calmly and rationally explained everything to him, he said, and I quote: 'Paranormal phenomenon are not acknowledged as fact among the notable scientific community.' And then he spouted off a whole bunch of mumbo-jumbo about electric thingamabobs and cognitive whats-its."

Boots: "And that was it?"

Bruno: "Well, obviously I couldn't leave things there! I told him very sternly that the fates of two of Macdonald Hall's best and most loyal students were at stake, and we'd traced the source of the problem back to his dinky little machine, and it was his duty to help us as the whole world was in danger of crumbling around us!"

Boots: "And?"

Bruno: "And at that point he said 'Bruno, is that you?' in a small voice and then got very excited about his stupid experiment exceeding his expectations. I had to threaten to kick the stupid machine just to get his attention back to important matters."

Boots: "Please tell me you didn't actually kick it. If bumping it with your elbow made us . . . this . . . happen, then kicking the thing might result in -- in -- "

Bruno: "I did not, thank you very much."

Boots: "Okay, okay, so what did Elmer say about switching us back?"

Bruno: "Well, the machine's only been on for two days, so he didn't have any results yet. To be honest, he was going on so much about pioneering technology and contributions to science, it was kind of a drag. I had to tell him to stow the talk of glory and keep his mind on the issue at hand! Y'know, sometimes I seriously doubt that guy's dedication to Macdonald Hall."

Boots: "Yeah, well, threatening and insulting the guy who holds our futures in his hand is probably not the best strategy you've ever come up with."

Bruno: "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I told him we'd expect a report first thing at breakfast -- yes, I can get up in time for breakfast tomorrow, don't look at me like that. We can bring all the guys up to speed at the same time."

Boots: "You want to tell the guys?"

Bruno: "Sure."

Boots: "Tell the guys that we went all Freaky Friday in the middle of the night for no reason? What's next -- you want to tell everyone at Scrimmage's too?"

Bruno: "Well, now that you mention it, Cathy might have an idea for --"

Boots: "They're going to die of laughter! And no one will believe us! Don't tell me -- next you're going to want to confess to The Fish."

Bruno: "It hadn't even entered my mind. And don't worry so much! The guys'll believe us. Did you see the look Wilbur gave me today when he asked to borrow a pencil and _you_ handed him one? Anyway, Elmer will have a brilliant idea for how to get us back and everything will be fine."

Boots: "Sometimes I wish you didn't have this level of self-confidence."

Bruno: "Don't be ridiculous, Melvin. You love me just the way I am."

~~~~

[Classroom]

Bruno: "Okay, so they didn't believe us."

Boots: "Well, you weren't the most convincing you've ever been."

Bruno: "But in my defence, Elmer started yammering on about a bunch of technical stuff that nobody understood."

Boots: "You once convinced me to join The Committee for the Appreciation and Savouring of After Dinner Mints in only fifteen minutes. And I hate peppermint!"

Bruno: "Well, you very wisely recognized that disliking peppermint is no reason to deprive the rest of the world the delicious enjoyment of --"

Boots: "And now they all think we're playing an elaborate practical joke. To be honest, I can't blame them. Even _I_ think this is a joke -- one that the universe is playing on me." 

Bruno: "Aw, Boots. The universe and me have always been on good terms. This is just a temporary glitch."

Boots: "Temporary glitch? As if you --" [Pause, then calls out:] "Is anybody else in here?"

Bruno: "Don't be so paranoid, it's a perfectly empty classroom."

Boots: "I wasn't paranoid yesterday, but I clearly should have been! Little did I know, a Patented Bruno Walton Special was headed right for me!"

Bruno: "Hey, that's just unnecessary."

Boots: "So -- um. Uh, you didn't say last night what Elmer's machine was called."

Bruno: "Um . . . "

Boots: "He mentioned it just now in all that technical stuff you weren't listening to."

Bruno: "Oh?"

Boots: "Apparently it's called the Consultive Relationship Utility Selection Helper. Also known as CRUSH."

Bruno: "Huh."

Boots: "He said something complicated about brainwave and pheromone detection, but the gist of it is that it's some kind of super-powered matchmaking computer. Supposedly it only works on birds."

Bruno: "Well, that explains all the budgies in Elmer's room now." [Bruno whistles a line of "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof]

Boots: "Yeah, yeah, you're hilarious. The question is, though, what did CRUSH detect from your brain when you bumped it that made it think you needed to be _me_ for a while?"

Bruno: "C'mon, it's not a mind-reader, Boots. It's probably just an error."

Boots: "Maybe. But, I mean, it could have been, um, picking something up from my brain about, maybe, uh -- if I was, y'know, maybe thinking about a particular person at the time . . ."

Bruno: [awkwardly] "Right. Uh. Maybe. But how does that help us switch back?"

Boots: "Um, I'm not sure."

Bruno: "So we'll just keep thinking about it. We'll come up with something."

Boots: "Yeah."

Bruno: "See you at supper?"

Boots: "Okay, yeah. Bye."

~~~

[Outside.]

Bruno: "Y'know, Boots, I think I've raked more leaves in my time at the Hall than there are leaves on trees. D'you think The Fish comes out here in the middle of the night to sprinkle leaves around just so he has a punishment to give us?"

Boots: "That's probably why he plants new trees every year too. More trees mean more leaves!"

Bruno: "Exactly. And I don't see why _we_ get punished every time Cathy and Diane do something crazy. It doesn't seem fair."

Boots: "To be fair, we were outside after curfew."

Bruno: "Okay, but only because the girls came to our window and dragged us outside! To perform a ridiculous full moon transformation ceremony that didn't even work."

Boots: "That might have been because it wasn't a full moon."

Bruno: "You try telling that to Cathy."

Boots: "At least they believed us. Surprisingly easy, actually."

Bruno: [bitterly] "Yeah, some friends the guys turned out to be."

Boots: "Well, the whole thing is pretty impossible-sounding."

Bruno: "Whatever. When this is over, we'll see who stays on my holiday card list."

Boots: "When have you ever sent out holiday cards?"

Bruno: "It's the principle of the thing!"

Boots: "Okay, okay." [pause] "So, Elmer told me today that all his calculations state that we're a scientific impossibility. This sort of thing wasn't even supposed to happen to the birds who are the subjects of the experiment."

Bruno: "Oh, great. Thanks for the news bulletin, Elm. Does he really think he can win science awards with that kind of defeatist attitude?"

Boots: "He already does win science awards."

Bruno: "Well, if he wasn't such a downer, he might win more of them."

Boots: "He says that CRUSH picks up on . . . emotive signals."

Bruno: "What, are those like the Bat-Signal?"

Boots: "Haha. Well -- kinda. He says if the two of us, uh, talked about any undisclosed -- um -- thoughts or, or feelings. Uh. We might be able to switch back ourselves."

Bruno: [disgusted] "He thinks if we have a good old kumbaya around the campfire, our scientific impossibility will fix itself?"

Boots: "Well, he didn't say we had to hold hands and sing or anything."

Bruno: "Forget it! Elmer's the genius. He's just going to have to come up with something else."

Boots: "Well, okay. But I'm warning you, if Cathy comes up with another ritual supposedly guaranteed to change us back -- you're first in line."

~~~~

[Room 306]

Boots: "Today is the worst."

Bruno: "Worse than all other days ever? Even Mondays? C'mon, Boots, it can't be worse than Mondays!"

Boots: "Ugh." [miserably] "I just miss being _me_ , y'know? Being you is exhausting. I thought yesterday was bad, but today was even worse. Three different guys came up to me with suggestions for how I could pretend to be Boots better! It's like everyone thinks that all you think about is your next scheme."

Bruno: "Oh. Is that what you -- I mean, never mind."

Boots: "Huh? Oh, yeah, and as if that wasn't bad enough, The Fish cornered me in the hallway and said, 'I understand some kind of practical joke is going on, and I want it to halt before I have to see you in my office.' Then he pinned me with his fishiest stare and said, 'You hear me, O'Neal?' He knew it was actually me!"

Bruno: "How could he possibly know? He probably just thought I was lurking behind you or something."

Boots: "How does he know everything we ever do? Supersonic hearing, maybe."

Bruno: "X-ray vision."

Boots: "Mind-reading."

Bruno: "Don't worry about The Fish. No one actually believes us. Well, except Cathy. I mean, I'm currently making up a list of more excuses for getting out of your swim practice. By the way, for future reference, this week you've had an infected cut on your big toe, an ear ache, and a sudden but deadly allergic reaction to chlorine."

Boots: "Aw, Bruno! You're turning me into an invalid! So, what -- my allergy is gonna turn out to be temporary if we ever switch back?"

Bruno: " _When_ we switch back."

Boots: "Right. Yeah. Well, I guess it's a good thing Coach Flynn likes me." [pause] "Look. I know you were reluctant before, but . . . I was thinking we could maybe try Elmer's suggestion."

Bruno: "I'm already in touch with all the feelings I want to be in touch with! His magical yenta computer can go fall off a cliff for all I care."

Boots: "It's called the Consultive Relationship Utility Selection Helper."

Bruno: "Right, that. Well, it's clearly complete bunk."

Boots: "This is the boy genius of the century we're talking about here. Nothing he builds is bunk!"

Bruno: "He's just been lucky so far."

Boots: "Bruno --"

Bruno: "Wait -- luck! My lucky penny!"

Boots: "What?"

Bruno: "I had my lucky penny in my pocket the day I bumped into Elmer's dumb machine. I had it with me for that French test!"

Boots: "So what?"

Bruno: "So I remember now! I was rubbing it for luck, and I'll bet you anything it gave me the very thing I was wishing for!"

Boots: "Well, you definitely didn't get 100% on that French test."

Bruno: "Oh, gee, thanks."

Boots: "Are you saying that you, on purpose, wished to trade bodies with me?"

Bruno: "No, of course not! I wished for --"

Boots: [small silence] "For what?"

Bruno: "Uh, I don't remember."

Boots: "What? You just said --"

Bruno: "It was stupid, ignore me."

Boots: "No, wait, Bruno, if it could help --"

Bruno: "It couldn't."

Boots: "It might!"

Bruno: "No."

Boots: "At this point, any little thing might be the diff --"

Bruno: "Look, all I wished for was that you would know what it felt like!"

Boots: "What what felt like?"

Bruno: "Just -- feelings, okay?"

Boots: "Bruno, would you just spit it out? What kind of feelings?"

Bruno: "The being in love with your best friend kind of feelings!"

Boots: [another small silence] "You --"

Bruno: "Yes."

Boots: "Oh."

Bruno: "Yeah."

Boots: "Um."

[sound of footsteps]

Bruno: "It's Mr Fudge! Shhh!"

Fudge: "Walton, O'Neal, it's after curfew. Go to sleep."

both: "Yes sir!"

Bruno: [pause] "So, okay. I was thinking about that -- that stuff I just said, and rubbing my lucky penny at the same time, and I guess Elmer's stupid matchmaking machine read my stupid brainwaves and made us switch bodies to -- to force me to confess every stinking detail to you and . . . I don't know, teach me the error of my ways or something. . . . Jeez, Boots, will you just say something?"

Boots: "I think you need to get a better lucky penny."

Bruno: "Right. Good advice, thanks."

Boots: [pause] "On the other hand, I do know what it feels like."

Bruno: "Being spit in the face by fate?"

Boots: "No. Being hopelessly in love with your best friend."

Bruno: "Um. Uh. You mean, because you understand the position I'm in now that you've inhabited my body for a while?"

Boots: "No. Because I'm in love with my best friend, too, you nitwit."

Bruno: "You -- you are? Really?"

Boots: "Yeah. Of course I am."

Bruno: "Melvin O'Neal, that is the best news I've heard all week!"

Boots: "Only this week?"

Bruno: "This year! This century! This is the news of the millennium!"

Boots: "Bruno. Bruno. _Bruno_. Stop jumping around! Fudge will hear you!"

Bruno: "I can't stop! I'm thrilled! I'm overjoyed! I'm ecstatic!"

Boots: "Then would you stop jumping around so I can kiss you?"

Bruno: [slightly breathless] "Oh. Right. Yes." [pause] "This is kind of weird, isn't it?"

Boots: "I, ah, didn't really think about how to kiss myself when I'm trapped in my best friend's body."

Bruno: "Maybe if we close our eyes?"

Bruno: "Um, okay."

[They kiss.]

Bruno: "Oh. Well."

Boots: "Yeah."

Bruno: "Hey! Boots, you're you again!"

Boots: "Wait, really?"

Bruno: "Well, waddaya know. Elmer was right about all that feelings stuff. His machine really scares me, you know that?"

Boots: "You don't have to convince me. First hand human experiment here."

Bruno: "I just mean, anyone could wander into Elmer's dorm room. Cathy could end up there! And the wrong stray thought and anything could happen!"

Boots: "Oh man, I can't even imagine."

Bruno: "What if The Fish ended up _Miss Scrimmage's body_!" [pause while they contemplate the horror of that] 

Boots: "Okay, you're right -- first thing tomorrow we're making Elmer turn off that stupid machine."

Bruno: "Right."

Boots: "Now shut up, come over here, and kiss me again."

 

♥ End ♥


End file.
